Love Has No Labels

"Older Ladies"

Sexual Healing

 

 

Reflecting on the episode of Laura Berman's TV series Sexual Healing that we watched in class, I am curious about the long-term effectiveness of her treatment. The episode follows three couples participating in a week long retreat to Dr. Berman's sex therapy clinic that includes individual, couple, and group therapy sessions. Although I liked Dr. Berman's approach and style, I wonder about her interventions. The homework that she assigned to each of the couples seemed to focus strictly on the exploration of new sexual scripts (visiting sex toy shops, giving the couples sex game kits, etcetera). The couples did go to restaurants, but seeing as how they were staying in a hotel for the retreat wouldn't they have had to do that anyhow? Therefore, those "dates" can't really count as interventions. The rock climbing date was inventive, although that couple seemed to need more communication skills training, rather than trust-building exercises. I would have liked to have seen more of the in-session work with these couples.

 

What I liked about this episode was that it followed the treatment of three couples presenting with very different sexual difficulties. And, Dr. Berman's approach to all three seemed very similar (if not, entirely the same), which tells us that her treatment approach is applicable to the process (not the content) of the presenting complaint. I also liked being able to view the couples adherence to the homework. Therapists rarely, if ever, get to witness what occurs outside of session, so this was very interesting to watch. I wonder if Dr. Berman reviewed those videos before her sessions with the couples the next day, or if they were strictly for the TV series. I also wonder how these encounters would appear differently if the couple weren't aware of being videotaped. I am not condoning videotaping a couple without their consent! I am just curious how social desirability factored into their adherence, or lack-thereof, to the homework assignments.

 

Like I mentioned before, I would be interested in a follow-up with the couples, maybe a year or so after their treatment. My prediction would be that Tom and Debra are experiencing renewed sexual satisfaction at a one-year follow-up; Shawn and Kerrie continue to struggle with their satisfaction of their sex life; and Brandon and Sabrina...well, I can't comment because I recall a spoiler-alert that announced they have since broken-up.

Offensive Joke: Discretion Advised

Russell Brand Talks Sex, Softcore & Hardcore Porn

17 Feb 2015 Reading Reflection

My overall reaction: Thank goodness we are done reading this book!

 

I, of course, only speak for myself but I found this book to be provocative and, thus, hard to get through. Hence, my immense pleasure with its conclusion. My reactions to this book were so strong that I began writing them down, but I stopped after Part 1 because the document was already so large, my reactions so numerous, that it was taking me forever to get through the reading and I just wanted it to be over with. I think it is clear by now that my reactions were not positive. Hate is a strong word, however I will say that I disliked this book so much that I am embarrassed to have added to its sales from having purchased it. I attempted to attach the aforementioned document as evidence, in case anyone is interested, but couldn't figure out how. The document thoroughly explains why I reacted thusly, but I will summarize here since the document is quite lengthy and I don't expect anyone to be interested enough to actually read it (hence, why it was never posted).

 

This book began by bashing biology, moved on to boasting feminism, and all the while is written largely in the first person as almost a very opinionated memoir. This all frustrated me. First, having a background in biology, I support a biopsychosocial perspective on the topic of sexuality. I would have enjoyed the book more if the author hadn't attempted to completely discount and discredit any biological notion at every opportunity. Biology is a component. There are other components as well, but if social influence was the absolute only factor then it is quite possible that we would define sex as sticking your finger in someone's ear, just because someone at some point in history thought it was a good idea and it became trendy. The only reason we are having this conversation at all is because of the existence of the penis and the existence of the vagina and the exquisite puzzle-piece like nature with which they magically fit together with the added benefit of a pleasure component that I don't see many complaining about (unless they are complaining about the lack thereof). This is all not to say that I don't believe there exist a psychological and social component, because I surely do, I'm just saying that you can't ignore the biology. (Also, not for nothing, we would not exist today if cavemen and women didn't figure out sex all on their own without the help of media...just saying...)

 

Moving on to the feminist boasting: I have trouble understanding the feminist argument. What are they arguing for? Equality? If so, I'm confused by their anti-equality arguments presented in this book. It seems (to me) like feminists can't agree on what they are arguing for, or maybe that they are in some way conspiracy theorist "analyzing," "decoding," and searching for hidden "meaning" (subliminal messages?) and or reasons to argue. Just a theory. But, I've always wondered about their premise. If they are all about equality, then why are they only supporting women's rights and "man-bashing"? Do we have to take down men in order to raise up women? I, personally, would prefer an equal opportunist perspective that supports both genders. (Although, I did enjoy the section that described women as a different species, but only in a comical sense.)

 

Lastly, I didn't prefer the author's voice present throughout the entire book. I did not care for the author's choice of presentation and writing style. It was very opinionated, and that is my opinion.

 

I'm not saying this book was all bad. It made some interesting points, but mostly served to elicit an awareness in multiple perspectives. I hope that my peers enjoyed this book more than I did. Personally, I preferred the Crucible.

 

 

505 Bio

Sex and sexuality has always been my favorite subject, not just academically, but socially. Whenever possible, I encourage conversations to turn to the subject of sex, whether by change of subject or inappropriate comment. My friends get accustomed rather quickly to my sexually explicit repertoire and lack of censorship, often referring that my mind lives "in the gutter." I have hosted a sex toy party through Athena, and have also hosted a sex-themed Christmas party for my friends whereby I set-up a gift exchange that entailed the guests' selection of a particular Playboy corresponding to a particular hidden novelty gift (e.g. vibrator, lube, pornographic movie, a sex dice game, edible underwear, etc.). Exploring topics in sexuality has always been a passion of mine, and getting paid to do that every day would be my dream job. Through the MFT program I hope to make that dream a reality. My interests with couples and sexuality revolve around topics of infidelity, intimacy, sexual satisfaction, desire/arousal and other sexual dysfunction, and other aspects of relationships, such as attachment style.